If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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