Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
