Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
