Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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