She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
