she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
