Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
