note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
