he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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