Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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