When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
