is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
