the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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