I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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