I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
