it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
