I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
