Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
