Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
