I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
