I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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