Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
