yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
