I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
