Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
