I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
