Acid is not a monday night drug
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
