He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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