Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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