It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't turn off my feet"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
