We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need help removing her.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
