Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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