you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The Olympian is in my bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
