You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
