Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
