Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
