It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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