You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
