why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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