i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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