If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
