Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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