Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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