then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
