they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
His nipple licking is glorious
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