i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
