the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
