my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
