I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
