that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
