how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
