my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
