It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
